Defusing a Difficult Meeting
A high-stakes meeting, a frustrated client, and a moment where tone mattered more than words. A reflection on how presence, listening, and responsibility can change the direction of a conversation.
Editorial Note: This piece sits within the Leadership & Work in Practice strand of the Cultivated canon. It’s not about technique or tactics, but about how communication behaves under pressure — and how small, human choices can change the temperature of a room.
Defusing a Difficult Meeting
A few years ago, I joined a team with a serious reputation problem.
They were missing commitments on a high-profile programme.
Trust had thinned.
Patience had run out.
One of my first tasks was to attend a meeting with a senior internal client who was, quite reasonably, furious.
On paper, it looked like a confrontation.
In practice, it became something else.
The room didn’t help.
Small.
Glass-walled.
An oversized table that forced people to sit opposite one another.
But environments speak, whether we acknowledge them or not.
I arrived early with two colleagues and chose a seat that left the space beside me open — the easiest place for someone to land. Not opposite. Not across a divide.
Beforehand, we aligned on the facts.
One version of reality.
No contradictions.
Not to rehearse a defence — but to avoid the quiet panic that comes when a team tells three different stories.
When she arrived, I stood.
Not theatrically.
Just present.
I smiled.
Not to placate — but to signal openness.
The moment passed quickly, but something shifted.
She sat beside me.
She spoke first.
And she spoke at length.
I didn’t interrupt.
I didn’t correct.
I didn’t reach for explanations.
I listened.
Not passively — attentively.
There’s a difference.
People can tell when you’re waiting for your turn to speak.
They can also tell when you’re genuinely absorbing what they’re saying.
When she paused, I didn’t soften the truth.
I acknowledged the failure.
I named the impact on her team.
I repeated back what I’d heard, in my own words.
Not as a trick.
As a check. As a compliment.
Then I spoke about what would change.
Not in sweeping promises.
In concrete terms.
And finally, I asked a simple question:
Would you give us the chance to make this right?
As the meeting unfolded, I watched the signals.
Posture easing.
Shoulders dropping.
The edge in her voice softening.
Nothing dramatic.
Just enough.
We finished early.
She thanked us.
Later, she asked why the meeting had gone so differently from what she’d expected. She was expecting to read us the riot act, but it hadn't turned out that way.
There was no clever answer.
No charisma.
No silver bullet.
Just presence.
Listening.
Ownership.
A willingness to meet frustration without defensiveness.
At the time, I realised something quietly important.
A few years earlier, I wouldn’t have been able to do this.
Not because I didn’t care — but because I hadn’t learned how to stay steady when the heat was on.
Difficult meetings don’t turn around on scripts.
They turn on tone.
On posture.
On whether responsibility is taken or avoided.
On whether someone feels heard before they’re asked to listen.
These moments aren’t about winning.
They’re about restoring enough trust for work to continue.
And sometimes, that starts with something as simple as where you sit — and how willing you are to stay present when things get uncomfortable.
This piece forms part of Cultivated’s wider body of work on how ideas become valuable, and how better work is built.
To explore further:
→ Library — a curated collection of long-form essays
→ Ideas — developing thoughts and shorter writing
→ Learn — practical guides and tools from across the work
→ Work with us — thoughtful partnership for teams and organisations
Bibliography
Edwards, V.V., 2020. How to Pick the Right Seat in a Meeting EVERY Time [WWW Document]. Science of People. URL https://www.scienceofpeople.com/seating-arrangement/ (accessed 7.23.24).
Harker, L., Keltner, D., 2001. Expressions of positive emotion in women’s college yearbook pictures and their relationship to personality and life outcomes across adulthood. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 80, 112–124. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.80.1.112
The 9 Superpowers of Your Smile | Psychology Today [WWW Document], n.d. URL https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/changepower/201605/the-9-superpowers-your-smile (accessed 7.23.24).
Wargo, E., 2006. How Many Seconds to a First Impression? APS Observer 19.
Willis, J., Todorov, A., 2006. First impressions: making up your mind after a 100-ms exposure to a face. Psychol Sci 17, 592–598. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-9280.2006.01750.x
