Adaptable Communication: The Warm and Fluffy Test

Editor’s Note
This piece sits within Cultivated’s Leadership & Work in Practice work — practical field notes drawn from building teams, running workshops, and observing how communication actually plays out when it matters. It’s less theory, more lived experience.

Adaptable Communication: The “Warm and Fluffy” Test

Being able to adapt how we communicate — depending on purpose, audience, and context — is one of the most important skills in work (and in life).

It’s at the heart of everything we teach about communication.

The clearer we are on why we’re communicating, who we’re communicating with, and what context we’re operating in, the better equipped we are to adjust how we show up. When we don’t, we default to habit. And habit isn’t always helpful.

We’ve all met people who communicate like vending machines. Put in the same input, get the same response — regardless of who they’re talking to or what’s actually needed.

And then there are those rare people who seem to have presence. They can talk to anyone. They can calm a room, move people into action, or handle tension without drama.

That isn’t magic.
It’s adaptability.

A Simple Test From Practice

Whenever I was building or growing teams, I always ranked communication as the most important capability.

There’s little value in technical brilliance if someone can’t work with others, explain their thinking, sell ideas, or align people around work. Nobody is bigger than the team.

Because of this, interviews always included communication-based questions. One of the most revealing — and deliberately unscientific — was what I came to call the Warm and Fluffy Test.

It’s not rigorous.
It’s not academic.
But it’s surprisingly insightful.

The Warm and Fluffy Scale

I’d draw a simple line on a whiteboard.

At one end:

• Direct
• Specific
• Command-and-control
• “Do this. Now.”

At the other:

• Avoids conflict
• Indirect
• Overly accommodating
• “Do whatever feels right.”

In short: a scale from hard communication to warm and fluffy communication.

Then I’d ask a simple question:

“Where would you place your natural communication style on this line?”

What People Reveal

I expected most candidates to mark the middle — the safe answer.

They rarely did.

People were often refreshingly honest. Some leaned heavily toward directness. Others toward warmth. The real value came in the conversation that followed — why they placed themselves where they did, and how that showed up in their work.

But the strongest candidates — almost without exception — answered in the same way.

They marked their natural preference and then said this:

“That’s my default — but I can move up and down the scale when I need to.”

That was the signal.

What the Test Is Really Looking For

The test isn’t about judging whether someone is too hard or too soft.

It’s about whether they understand that no single communication style works in every situation.

Work is fluid. Context changes. People are different. What’s needed in a crisis is rarely what’s needed in a coaching conversation. What works with one team may fail completely with another.

Adaptable communicators:

• Read people
• Read the room
• Read the moment
• Adjust accordingly

Sometimes that means being direct and specific.
Sometimes it means slowing down and listening.
Sometimes it means holding the line.
Sometimes it means softening it.

Often — it means doing more than one of those things in the same conversation.

Why This Matters at Work

Most of us communicate from habit.

Our natural style — shaped by personality, experience, and comfort — is rarely the most effective one by default. This is where frameworks like DISC can help: not to label people, but to make us more aware of our own tendencies.

Adaptable communication starts with self-awareness.

Once we understand our defaults, we can begin to flex:

• When to be clearer
• When to be firmer
• When to create space
• When to move things forward

Without this flexibility, we end up:

• Avoiding conversations we should have
• Escalating situations unnecessarily
• Creating cultures of fear or ambiguity
• Feeling overwhelmed by people and situations we can’t “handle”

Communication as a Practice

Adaptability isn’t a trick you learn once.

It’s a practice.

It takes reflection, feedback, and repetition. You’ll get some things wrong. You’ll misjudge moments. That’s part of learning.

But over time, adaptable communication starts to feel natural. You stop performing styles and start responding to reality.

The best people I’ve worked with weren’t universally liked or universally feared — they were appropriate. They knew when to push, when to pause, and when to let others lead.

That’s the real skill.

Closing Thought

Effective communication isn’t about being warm or direct.

It’s about knowing when to be each — and having the awareness, courage, and care to move between them.

That’s what the Warm and Fluffy Test is really pointing at.

Not a scale.
Not a label.
But a question worth asking yourself:

“Am I choosing how I communicate — or just reacting?”