Active Listening Isn’t Just Tactics
A story about performative listening, corporate training, and why technique without care feels worse than no listening at all.
Editor’s note: This essay sits within the Cultivated library on communication and presence. It reflects on performative listening and why technique without care often feels worse than no technique at all.
Active Listening Isn’t Just Tactics
You could tell the executives had been on training.
Active listening training, to be precise.
It was… noticeable.
Not in a good way.
The Vending Machine Learns to Smile
One spring morning, I sat at my desk overlooking the river, clearing overnight emails.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him emerge from his corner office.
Normally, you could feel the atmosphere shift when he moved. He was a vending machine in human form: push the right button, get a predictable, emotionless response. Efficient. Cold. Reliable.
We had learned how to work with him.
Button B2 for approval.
C3 for escalation.
D4 for aircover.
Today was different.
He was smiling.
Not a human smile.
A training smile.
A creepy smile.
He scanned the floor for people to talk to, like a robot seeking test subjects. He asked questions. He nodded. He paraphrased. He leaned in.
His face held the same expression throughout, slowly morphing into something between a grimace and a horror-movie clown. His joints moved with mechanical precision, as if he were being wheeled around on an invisible trolley.
After five minutes, he announced, “Time up,” reversed into his office, and closed the door.
The tension evaporated.
Slack exploded.
“What was that?”
“Is he okay?”
“Did HR get to him?”
Technique Without Care
He was doing exactly what the training told him to do.
Active listening tactics.
Nods. Eye contact. Paraphrasing. Open questions.
It was technically correct.
And emotionally wrong.
Listening is not a checklist.
It is not a posture.
It is not a technique you deploy for five minutes and then switch off.
Listening With Brain and Heart
Listening is cognitive.
Listening is emotional.
The ear hears.
The brain interprets.
The heart decides whether the other person matters.
You cannot fake the third step.
People feel the difference between presence and performance. Between care and compliance.
The Return of the Vending Machine
The training didn’t last.
Within weeks, he was back to being the vending machine. Predictable. Detached. Efficient.
And, oddly, we were relieved.
At least we knew where we stood.
Outside work, he was a caring husband, father, and community member. At work, he wore the only leadership mask he knew.
What he never gave us was the thing people crave most at work:
to be truly connected with.
Presence Is the Point
Listening is not tactics layered onto indifference and robotic posturing.
Listening is attention, interpretation, and care, combined.
You can fake the first two.
You cannot fake the third.
Final Word
Active listening is not something you do.
It is something you are.
The greatest compliment you can give someone is your genuine attention.
Not for five minutes.
Not as a performance.
But as a way of being.
As a force of connection.
Now… where did the vending machine go?
I need approval for more headcount.
B2, followed by C3.
This piece forms part of Cultivated’s wider body of work on how ideas become valuable, and how better work is built.
To explore further:
→ Library — a curated collection of long-form essays
→ Ideas — developing thoughts and shorter writing
→ Learn — practical guides and tools from across the work
→ Work with us — thoughtful partnership for teams and organisations
